i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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