...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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