hotel room ftw
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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