I think I died a long time ago.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.