i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.