You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"