There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?