what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.