I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision