My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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