i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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