maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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