I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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