Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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