Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize