I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
