Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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