haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
