I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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