$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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