did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
