I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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