I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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