I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
organizing the empties. That sober.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
