She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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