I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
