Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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