moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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