I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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