If i come over, it means nothing
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
