i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
