we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
