I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
