Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
