i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
