its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
