The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
