My hand turned me down
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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