Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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