I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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