please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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