Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
