If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
