Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
