It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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