so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
