you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
