I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
