Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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