checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize