Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
