"it" just moved
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
