her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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