as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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