I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
