Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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