using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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