Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
