He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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