ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
