omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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