wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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